Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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