Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize