come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
