i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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