I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize