So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
