I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
