i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
