Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
