That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
