I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
