I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
