allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
