i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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