we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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