I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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