If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
