I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
