would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
