I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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