So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
