he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
