these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
