I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
