I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
