I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
