Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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