Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Randomize
