I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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