when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
