I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize