just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
