I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
