ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.

  Fav 19 1103 5144

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend

  (301): View more from Maryland

  1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps

  Fav 29 4128 1095

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.

  Fav 10 1193 2845

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now

  Fav 58 1592 13527

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

  Fav 12 9943 1892

  share tweet
  

• (234): View more from Ohio

  omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic

  Fav 12 6684 1226

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (815): View more from Illinois

  my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves

  Fav 28 5565 1341

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers

  Fav 16 1438 5544

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  We are the best.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ps. We need to take the garbage out.

  Fav 4 1064 665

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer

  Fav 3 699 451

  share tweet
  

• (646): View more from New York

  Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.

  Fav 1 885 558

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (989): View more from Michigan

  Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.

  Fav 1 653 403

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I don't know if I should laugh or punch you

  Fav 2 39 12

  share tweet
  

• (224): View more from Illinois

  Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.

  Fav 0 44 11

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (561): View more from Florida

  He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.

  Fav 0 55 14

  share tweet
  

Randomize