Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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