like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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