im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
