First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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