tell your sister to shave her snatch
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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