Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
