i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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