I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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