Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
