i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
