sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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