yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
