you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
