For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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