Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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