My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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