I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
