I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
