Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
