1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I need water and some morals
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
