Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
