We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize