I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
