so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
