you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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