I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
