I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
