Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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