Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
