I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
