There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
