How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
