can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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