honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
