plz talk dirty to me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
