Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I want to have your abortion
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
