I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
