actually, I'm a sock model
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
tell me about the eggs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
